We have been catapulted into the next stage of parenting – The Scary, Difficult, What-do-I-do-Now?- Stage – which is annoying, because we haven’t yet got a handle on what I now realise was The Easy Stage. It’s totally my own fault of course, because I had ignored the possibility that any of my kids were at an age when they’d Google “sex” – and then hit the Images button… And even if I had thought about it, I would have dismissed it on the basis that there’s no porn allowed in Singapore. Turns out I was wrong on that one. Evil Internet. I’m feeling a bit like a box of hornets has been opened – angry buzzing hornets with surprisingly large breasts - and I have to try to catch them all and put them back in the box.
Most of the time tho’, their behaviour is pretty childish. Take their favourite, “Pretend”. It goes like this: One says “Pretend you’re my sister/ brother [delete as appropriate], and pretend we are sitting in a tv room and pretend you have a toy and I want the toy.” And the other – who, incidentally, *is* her sister / brother and *is* sitting in a tv room, and *does* have a toy – says “And pretend I won’t give you the toy, and pretend you snatch it off me and pretend I get really angry and hit you in the face”. If there’s a third kid there, s/he might interject: “And pretend I come over and pretend I kick whoever has the toy, and pretend I then grab the toy and run away with it, and hide it upstairs in my room, and pretend you can’t find it, and pretend you pay me $2 for me to tell you where it is.” And at some point they all nod solemnly in agreement and the crux of the game - *doing* the “pretending” – begins.
It’s totally bonkers, you’ll agree. But preferable, I suppose, than Pretend I Hear Older Boys On The School Bus Talking About Sex And Then Bring It Upon Myself To Become The Porn King of Singapore*.
(*Oooh. I wonder what sort of weirdos that Google search will bring to this site. Welcome, pervs!)