Monday, 30 June 2014

In which I am MEAN.

I’m now somewhat over the air and the trees and the dairy.  I’d sortof forgotten that the reason it’s so green and lush and fresh is because the weather’s default position is to rain, nonstop.  Which is all well and good for a day or two, but three, four, FIVE days in a row?  The low-light of the past week - possibly the past year - was a family day out to Ikea, purely because it had wifi, a children’s area, and a cafe.  So there I sat, as the rain hammered down, in Ikea, in Sweden, where they were playing – I swear – Abba, feeling that I couldn’t be more immersed in Swedishness if  your covered me in meatballs and put me in a dungeon with a schnapps-drinking serial killer.  (On the plus side we managed to leave without ownership of any tealights or paper lampshades, which as far as I’m concerned is an Ikea-victory.)

All this rain is fraying tempers somewhat.  Everyone is borrrrrreddddddd with the indoor toys, and there’s only so much tv / iPad playing which I’m comfortable with (2 hours, twice a day, in case you’re wondering). As a result, I am now the family Meanie. “You’re so MEAN!” the Boy roars at me several times a day.  “What’s the point in having a tv if we can’t watch it whenever we want?  YOU’RE SO MEAN!” “When I’m old I’m going to play video games ALL DAY LONG and I won’t let you do what you want, YOU’RE SO MEAN.”  “What’s the point in you having Angry Birds on your phone if you won’t let me use it, YOU’RE SO MEAN” etc etc. 
On the plus side, it is fostering some interesting conversations. 

Last night, between the Boy and the Girl:
Boy:  I’m not going to marry you when I grow up.
Girl:  Oh.  Why not?
Boy:  Because I’m with you all the time as a kid, I don’t want to be with you all the time as a grown up too.
Girl:  Oh.  But that’s ok, I’ll just give you some space!
Boy:  NO! What’s the point in having you as a sister if I have to be married to you as well!  I need to get to know someone else.
Girl:  That’s ok.  I’ll marry Daddy instead.

And earlier today:
Boy:  Mum, what’s Heaven?
Me (Knowing this can only go one way, and it ain’t up):  It’s the name of a place where some people believe your soul goes after you die.
Boy:  Oh. What’s a soul?
Me (See?): It’s what some people think is the part of your body which stores your goodness and your badness, and all other bits which make you you. 
Boy: You mean your brain?
Me:  Ummmm.... More like a ghost that lives inside you and makes you, who you are.
Boy:  Oh.  So my ghost would be curious?
Me:  Probably.
Boy:  And Ava’s ghost would be clumsy?
Me:  Almost certainly.
Boy:  And Mia’s would  be cute?
Me: Definitely.
Boy:  And yours would be MEAN!

Roll on a month of rain in Ireland...  


  1. Love this. And I always by tealights and a paper lantern. No more.

    1. the trick is to by-pass the shop, and head straight for the (FREE!) kids' area, then the cafe. IGNORE the rugs and the lamps and the kiddie stuff, embrace the sticky buns...

  2. Totally beside the point but when I read the bit about "When I'm old I'm going to play video games ALL DAY LONG and I won't let you do what you want" I had the following thoughts:
    1: So you'll be like many a male when you grow up? I'm sure we'll be on Grand Theft Auto 15 by then.

    2: In preschool my teacher told me to write my name on my drawing. I said I didn't want to. She said "just do it so we know which picture is yours." I said "mine will be the one without a name." She told me she'd have to speak to my mother about it and I apparently responded by saying "Well I'm going to talk to YOUR mother and tell her you are making little kids do things they don't want to."

    1. 4 year old you and my off-spring would get on like a house on fire. Actually, I think you might have been a bad influence. (I say that in the nicest way...)

  3. "But everything you tell me to do is BORING!"
    "When I get home, I'm not going to do anything you tell me! I'm not going to eat dinner or take a bath or go to bed! I'm just going to sit in my room and not talk to you!" (Which is what got her into this mess in the first place. And "to (her) room" is exactly where she was going anyway.)

    Don't you just love vacation?

    1. Heather, we always have gin, right? Where are you btw - still in MA?

  4. I'm in New Jersey...still in New Jersey. Will be leaving next year for parts yet unknown.