For the life of me, I can’t get a handle on sorting out the kids’ bed and bathtime routines. The Boy’s is relatively simple: stick him in the bath, wash him, try to sneak an unnoticed hairwash in, try not to hype him up too much, out, wrap, brush teeth (“Spit! Spit! Stop eating the toothpaste and spit...”) cuddle, nappy and pjs, books, books, more books, bed, Goodnight Moon, litany of goodnights to various stuffed animals, wall stickers, and every part of his body (“night night foot, night night neck, night night nose, night night hair” etc etc). It takes way too long – close to an hour sometimes - but we all enjoy it.
Or at least we did before I started putting the Girl down at the same time – or rather, trying to.
How to bathe her, change her, feed her, give her calming down time, and settle her quietly to bed – all which has to happen at more or less the same time as the Boy’s bedtime? If she hasn’t got her bottle in her mouth at 615 she loses it. So I tried skipping her bath and leaving her to lose it the other night, and sure enough she quietened down after a few minutes, by which time the Boy was in the bath saying “baby WAAAAH WAHHHH”, when suddenly, with no warning, she fell asleep, and wouldn’t be woken. So I put her to bed, feedless although seemingly contented. Until I was mid-book with Boy, when she started to bellow. So I left him, went and picked her up, and tried feeding her in her room while “reading” to him (shouting out the stories from memory and trying to persuade him to turn the pages) – he was having none of it and started to throw both the books and himself around. With hands full of eating baby, there wasn’t much I could do, other than listen in increasing horror. When I could take it no more (nothing worse than silence followed by an “Uh-Oh...”) I put her down again and went back to finish his bedtime, but by then he had an evil glint in his eye, toothpaste all over his pjs (the source – I assume – of the Uh-Oh), and continued to fling himself around, again doing his ”babyWAAAAH” mantra. Suddenly it was gone 7 (How?? Why does time speed up when I’m trying to get him to bed and deal with her as well, but slows to a grinding halt when I’m standing in the park counting diggers / blades of grass/leaves on trees) so I put him into his cot, and walked out, ignoring the tears and the screeching. Sobbing ensued (not by me – tho I was close) but by now I was back in with Girl, who had, conveniently cacked herself. After the full decontamination routine – not the easiest in a room lit only by the monitor light - I went back to him, his sobbing weeping little body curled up in a ball (I can still feel the guilt), read him “Moon”, counted everything that needed to be counted, lots of guilt-ridden kisses and hugs. Finally finally his light was out, so back to her, still wriggling and shouting, picked up, soothed, burped, rocked, avoided eye-contact, settled, lights out.
Thankgodthankgod. Quick tidy up, laundry load on, drying folded, then down to kitchen.
8.05pm. Almost two and a half hours to get them both to bed. It just can’t take this long every night. I think that we need to be stricter with the Boy – 30 mins from bath to bed, tops. No reading every book in the room, no counting every single countable item. And no hi-jinx after 6pm. Which is all well and good, but how to work her routine into it? And how to actually do it in practice without losing my cool and yelling at him as he toddles about, oblivious to the adult concept of time and speed?
I’ll muddle through of course, but the more stressful and disjointed it is, the less settled they are, and the more guilty I feel, and neither of them end up getting anything close to proper attention.
But then again, I s’pose there’s no reason why the end of the day should be any different to the rest of it.
Anyway, by the time I got downstairs there wasn’t much time to think about – let alone dedicate to – dinner, so I fell back on the old favourite – Cheat’s Crab Pasta (with huge apologies to the River Cafe, from whom this recipe has been lifted and bastardised). As well as being the Man’s favourite dinner (or so he says, although not with so much aplomb when he’s presented with it three times a week), this is quick and easy peasy.
Crab Pasta.
For 2, you need:
- One tin of Crab Meat
- One clove of garlic, sliced
- A lemon
- Half a red chilli, finely chopped
- Four tomatoes, deseeded and roughly chopped
- Fresh Parsley or Basil, roughly chopped
- Some olive oil
- A small bag of rocket, roughly chopped (if you have it – it’s not a killer if you don’t)
- Enough dried long pasta – spaghetti or linguini – for two.
Cover the bottom of a medium-sized saucepan with olive oil, and before you heat it, add the sliced garlic and chilli. Add the zest of the lemon, then put the heat on low under the pan.
When it starts to spit a bit – but before the garlic goes brown – add the chopped tomatoes and half whatever herb you’re using. Lower the heat and allow the tomatoes to soften. Add the juice of the lemon and cover.
Put the pasta on to cook.
Add the drained tin of crab meat to the tomato mixture, and a bit of water if it looks a bit thick or dry. (I use about a half ladle of the pasta water).
Drain the pasta once cooked, but don’t over-drain – it’s good to have the pasta slightly wet, as it loosens up the crab sauce.
Add the pasta, the rest of the herbs and the rocket to the sauce, and mix thoroughly.
Season with salt, and gobble down before the baby wakes up.
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