And so the rot begins.

It’s that awful hour between dinner being eaten and bedtime beginning, and the Boy is on my heels, wanting to know why I deleted Macklemore’s Thrift Shop from my phone. [Thanks for that, Anna]. 

“WHAT ARE THE BAD WORDS I’M NOT ALLOWED TO HEAR?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“TELL ME!”

“If I tell you, then you’ll have heard them, and that sort of defeats the purpose a bit, no?”

[Momentarily looks confused but battles on] “IT’S “BUCKS” ISN’T IT?  TELLLLLLLLL MEEEE!”

No, it’s not “bucks”.  It’s “cock” and “fucking” and “motherfucker”. 

“No.”

“Is it worse than Jesus Christ? You say that all the time.”

“Much worse.”

By now he is actually stepping on my heels so I turn to escape into the bathroom, and he blocks my way.  I had a boyfriend once who did just this, and got dumped for it.  I fleetingly (and wistfully) consider breaking up with the Boy.

“Just tell me!  I won’t tell anyone.  I won’t ever even say the word again. I. JUST. WANT. TO. KNOW.”

(I start to feel for him.  Remember the frustration of being a kid and wanting to know what the Grown Ups knew?  Why didn’t they ever tell us that actually they knew fuck all and were just winging it?)

“Ok.”

“What??”

“I’ll tell you.  One word.  Only one.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.  But you must NEVER say it and NEVER even think it again.”

“I’ll think it but I won’t say it.”

I bend down to him, and, feeling like I am about to physically abuse my own son, I lean to his ear and whisper...

“Shit.”

He turns to me, his eyes glowing, his mouth open, and starts to laugh.

“Shit?”  He looks like he is about to explode with joy.

I nod. 

He starts to walk away, then, supreme negotiator that he is, he turns and says “One more.”

“Sorry?  No way.”

“I know there’s more than one in the song.  One more or else I’m going to say this one out loud. In front of the girls.”

CHRIST.

“Fine.” 

I bend to his ear and whisper “bloody”.  He looks up at me, shining again.  “I knew that one already.”

And off he goes, whispering “shit bloody shit” and I wonder if this is the point at which I start to feel nostalgic about his toddler  years.