The Boy is learning to read. Every day he comes home from nursery with a
new collection of word cards which we labour over for HOURS AND HOURS. In fact the reason I have been late for
nursery every morning this week is because I generally forget that I have to do
this until 815am, at which point I have to bribe him with fizzy cola bottles to
SIT STILL and CONCENTRATE. (Fizzy cola
bottles, like all foodstuffs made entirely from colouring and high fructose
corn syrup, are, as you know, great for concentrating.) It is torturous for both of us, and it transpires
– not wholly surprisingly – that I’m totally crap at the whole homework thing. Although not as crap as the Boy is. Take this
morning for example.
Me:
(Holding up a card which says ‘FUN’) “What does this say?”
The Boy: (Bored, rolling his eyes) “Nuffing”
Me: “Look at it. What is this (pointing at F) letter?”
Long
Pause while he looks EVERYWHERE but at the card.
The Girl: (Glancing over, momentarily,
also bored) “Fuh...”
Boy:
“I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT!”
Me:
“Excellent. Fuh. Well done both
of you. Ok. So – the next letter.”
Boy:
“Flower!”
Me:
“Look at the next letter. What is
this?”
Boy: (Looking up at the ceiling) “Ruh.”
Me:
“Look. At. It.”
Boy:
“Fox!”
Me: (Breathing deeply. Mentally calculating the distance until 7pm) “Do you remember the last word you did?”
Silence,
as he looks at me with what can only be described as an Evil Eye.
Me: “It was ‘Suh – Uh – Nnn’. Sun. Look
at these letters. ‘Un’. It’s the same.”
The Girl (Still bored): “It wymes.”
Me.
“Yes, well done. It rhymes. The
words all sound the same except for the first letter. So we had ‘bun’ and ‘gun’
and ‘run’. This starts with...?”
The Girl: “Fuh”
The Boy: I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT!
Me: (Looking out at the garden and wondering how quick Death By Foxes would
be; surely quicker than this?) “It starts with Fuh. So can you tell me the
word?”
The Boy: “FROG!”
The Girl: (Not
even looking up) I’s “fun” Mummy.
Can I have a fweet?
The Boy: (Voice quivering with injustice) "WHY DOES SHE GET A SWEET AND I DON’T???
AT that point I looked at my watch
and realised I had set a new record by losing the will to live before 830am.
Clearly, the Girl will be reading before the Boy. But let’s hope she continues to be a dud at spelling. Today – after a particularly, um, colourful, drive across London she asked me: “Mummy, why you say 'C’Mon You See-you-en-tee'?”
If only they made adult word cards.
Aaaaannnnd, this is where I decided my boy just wasn't ready for reading yet. It's not worth fighting about before kindergarten, for me. C1 is 5.75, and was not reading at 5.0 when he began kindergarten. He caught up with his peers quickly, and enjoys reading. But, every kid is different.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I also take comfort from the Swedish model, where they don't even look at the alphabet until 7. Still tho, it livens up an otherwise dull morning....
DeleteThis brings back unhappy memories of struggling with words. Then suddenly one day it all just clicked into place, I think he was at least 5 and a half. He's 9 now and reads everything he can get his hands on, including a Harry potter book that's on my kindle!
ReplyDeleteSnigger - that's all
ReplyDeleteJust had to say thank you for making me laugh out loud! Just a joy to read, I'm almost crying. Keep it the wonderful work (and yes, I found you via The Guardian article). Cheers! Vicky
ReplyDelete