I contemplate crime.

Sick children, GAH.  Back when I was smug about these things, and parents would excuse their exhaustion or grumpiness or absence (physical or emotional) on the grounds of “sick kids”, I’d inwardly roll my eyes and think what are you talking about?  SURELY having a sick child at home is one of the all time parenting delights? You get to spend the day with the love of your life, and they’re lying in bed, sleeping or quietly playing or whatever I seem to remember myself doing when I myself was the occasional sick child.  I honestly didn’t see how it could be bad.  Sure, I’d concede (if a gun was held to my head) – you might have to get up in the middle of the night to hold hair away from a vomiting face, or fetch a sick bowl or whatever – but then the next day, when you have nothing else to do AND THE SICK CHILD IS SLEEPING (remember?) – you can sleep too.  No?

I think my current situation is what’s known as “my comeuppance”.

Here’s a snapshot of me trying to get some work done today.

Me: Stares at laptop.

Baby:  COUGHCOUGHCOUGH MAMA!  MAAAAAAAAAAAAMA!

Me:  ohforfucksake Yes sweetheart, what is it?

Baby:  ME NOT SLEEPY! 

Me:  Ok, just lie there for a few more minutes, it’s quiet time, remember!

(4 seconds pass)

Baby:  MAMA! MAAAAAAAAAAMA! 

Me: YES?

Baby:  Me need a poo poo!

Me:  Ok, just hold it in for one minute

Baby:  ME BURSTING!  IT COMING OUT MY BUM!

Me:  ohforfucksake COMING

She finally fell asleep on top of me (oh yes, sick children do sleep during the day alright.  But only because they have been up ALL NIGHT) with 8 minutes to go before I had to collect the Girl from the school bus.  This was after 2 hours of me rubbing and stroking and cajoling and PLEADING as she wriggled on top of me. 

Anyway.  As I said, my comeuppance.

I am probably as bored talking, as you all are hearing, about the fucking cats, so I shall remain silent – except for this.  Brainwave today:  Sand.  Surely the most effective kitty litter there is?  And lying FREE for the taking just down the road... I wonder what the penalty is for theft of public property here.  Worth a few lashes trying, no?  Alternatively, I have found a kitty litter called "Who Cares" which amused me greatly, and was, I suspect, made with me in mind.  (Except for the small matter that I do care - very very much.)