Oh dear. My good intentions of posting every day in
the run up to Christmas have already fallen
to the wayside. Not bad going,
considering December is two days’ old.
Today in the lift a woman told the
Baby she looked “sexy”. She did not, in
fact, look sexy – not because she was wearing an adult's baseball cap, a dress she found
in Laura Ingles’ wardrobe, and plastic bags on her feet, but rather because she is 2 years old. I wish I had said something but I couldn’t
actually think of any appropriate words. I still can’t, in fact.
I also did not look sexy – despite wearing actual shoes – but because the mosquitoes have been feasting on me again*. The Man mused that perhaps the reason I get
munched and he doesn’t is because his hairy limbs turn the insects away. So I decided to take an au-naturel leaf out of his book of personal grooming - to no avail. Now I feel
like an extra from Game of Thrones – one of those hairy creatures that live on
the other side of the wall, riddled with insects.
Speaking of which, a lovely treat
for me when I got into the car last
night – a cockroach scuttled up the windscreen.
On. The. Inside. Apparently,
where there is one, there are many. Ugh.
I leave you with a puzzle, taken
from the Boy (specifically a letter he handed me this morning FOR POSTING...) A prize to anyone who can decipher this:
SANTA: FRUM fREddiE
PLEZKANiHAVLAZRiZ
(*OBV this is not the only reason I don't look sexy, but just play along, ok? I grow old, I grow old... )
Lasers! Surely everyone wants lasers?
ReplyDeleteYes, second Lasers! Also what can you say if someone calls your toddler sexy! I would just be flabbergasted!
ReplyDeleteYep, "Please can I have lasers." Not too complicated.
ReplyDeleteMy mom says that mosquitoes go for people with high levels of uric acid and or cholesterol. I must have high uric acid because my cholesterol is fine but I get bitten badly if I don't spray.
"Your baby is sexy." .... "So, when is the last time you appeared on 'To Catch a Predator, lady? This kid is TWO.'"
Lasers? Close, people, but no cigar. There's another word (very well) hidden in there....
ReplyDeletelaser eyes! yes you may!
ReplyDeleteAnon, a big fat cigar for you! Now, for extra points, please can anyone tell me where I can find Laser Eyes? Apparently, because Santa can do anything, he will be sneaking in in the dead of Christmas Eve, opening the Boy's (sleeping) eyes, putting magic in them, and ta-da! Laser Eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnyone??
I imagine the lady in the elevator didn't speak English as a first language. She probably meant to say "cute" and didn't realize "sexy" is vastly different from "cute!" Honest mistake, really.
ReplyDeleteI have made the point that there are limits to what Santa will give. Laser eyes are not going to happen. Now, sunglasses so that he can pretend he has laser eyes...
I second that, the lady in the elevator probably didn't speak English as a first language and wasn't aware of the sexual meaning. The word probably is used generally for beautiful or cute.
ReplyDeleteThere was this article in an English paper recently, about the use of English words in India, some taking on a life of their own. When a little girl dropped her ice cream onto the trousers of a nearby gentleman, her mother shouted at her 'That was very naughty! Say fuck to the nice man! Say fuck now'. Obviously she thought it meant 'sorry'.