Things that are unnatural

There’s a cream I love – La Roche PosayLipkar Baume – which, whenever I see any post  about dry skin or excema or anything relating to skin disorders, I want to shout BORROW THIS!  IT’S AMAZING!  But then I remember I live in Singapore, where this cannot be found (at least not by me) so I buy it in bulk in Europe and as a result have to eek out my own paltry cream allowance, pea-sized glob by pea-sized glob, and so I keep my mouth (and the tube-top) SHUT. 

I was thinking of this earlier today when the Baby had some itchy bottom or knee or something and I squeezed out a teeny-tiny amount and sparingly (and grudgingly) applied it.  At the same time, the thought crossed my mind that this was a really bad idea because knowing the Baby, she’d be knee deep in the cream as soon as my back was turned.

And then I made the mistake of turning my back, and ten minutes later I wondered where she was;  and of course she *was* knee – or more accurately, foot – deep in MY SPECIAL CREAM and had spread it all over the floor  and the wall and her on her feet – which, never having drunkenly and deshodedly walked home  along the Stillorgan Dual-Carriageway at 3am, do NOT need it. 

I wept for that cream.

Later, when she had another round of itchy bottom (is it only my children who get itchy bottom?  Usually because they do not wipe properly, and so I am faced not only with their inner-most bottoms, but also with – ugh – not-entirely clean inner-most bottoms) I decided to make up for having yelled at her so comprehensively by sacrificing some of my sacrosanct cream, and she decided to repay me by farting on my finger.

It has been a long week. I’m glad it’s over.

Question for cat-owners:  When is it acceptable to put a cat on a diet?  The cats are getting rotund of stomach, which is hardly surprising considering that all they do all day is lounge about and bleat for food.   I do not want fat pets, or pets who demand food all day long, or, more crucially, the obligation to spend $600 a week on cat food.

I also suspect that they are engaged in some manner of incestuous relationship.  Whenever I happen upon them unexpectedly they jump apart shiftily, then squirm even more shiftily (as much as their girth will allow) looking guilty.  I am unsure what – if anything – to do about this.  What if only one of them is fat, and one is pregnant?  How do I explain that to the children??

Like I said – a long week.